I have not been posting much, my blog seems to be a sad place these days. But then so is everywhere else, so what do I expect? I'd been avoiding posting because seeing JD's obituary reminds me of how hard the last year has been.
Jake died a little over a year ago, and Mom's illness was hard, and lasted so long. I still think about her all the time, I'm processing and examining our relationship. It is all such a mystery. And I worry about my Dad.
Then there are all my friends' parents, too. C's Mom, and J's Dad. R's Mom died of pneumonia last week. It is not the dying that bothers me -- it is how long it takes. All of these people were (or still are) sick for a very long time. Not "oh i don't feel good give me an Advil" kind of sick. No, it is month after month of actual suffering.
God this is depressing.
I am actually looking forward to the death part of dying, I know that sounds very weird, but I am so curious as to what will happen. Not that I would ever do anything to hasten my demise (unless you count the years of smoking) but the moment will be fascinating. I just want to do it quickly. In about 45 more years.
Okay that is enough of that.
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