Right to the point.
29.1.07
23.1.07
aeration
I have been having a really hard time lately. The wind storm, power outage, Jake's death, snow, ice, the horrible mess that the afore mentioned storms made of the yard... and my mom's illness. I feel like I can't complain about mom being sick, because that is hers - I feel like I am stealing her story or trying to make her sickness about me.
But part of it is about me, this hugely impacts my life, too. M&D are going to Arizona to visit family for a couple of weeks -- I was over at mom's house this last weekend when she told me she was upset because she was going to have to put her old cat, JD down. The boarding facility they use had gone out of business, and she just couldn't inconvenience anyone to come over twice a day to feed her. I was shocked, but suddenly realized that she also has had enough. And one more thing to take care of was just one thing too many. I told her I would take JD while she was gone. JD will have to stay in the basement, because my cats would freak out, but that is ok. M&D brought JD over yesterday, and she is a wonderful little cat. I am glad she is here.
I have a hard time trusting people, so I just don’t ask for help. I can’t trust that they won’t take my vulnerability, my moment of opening up to them and twist it around, or use it against me later. This has happened more than once, after all*. But I guess what I need to learn from this little episode is to know when it is ok to ask for a little help. But that is so much easier said than done. I am not sure that lesson can sink in.
*Yeah, I know I am no saint.
But part of it is about me, this hugely impacts my life, too. M&D are going to Arizona to visit family for a couple of weeks -- I was over at mom's house this last weekend when she told me she was upset because she was going to have to put her old cat, JD down. The boarding facility they use had gone out of business, and she just couldn't inconvenience anyone to come over twice a day to feed her. I was shocked, but suddenly realized that she also has had enough. And one more thing to take care of was just one thing too many. I told her I would take JD while she was gone. JD will have to stay in the basement, because my cats would freak out, but that is ok. M&D brought JD over yesterday, and she is a wonderful little cat. I am glad she is here.
I have a hard time trusting people, so I just don’t ask for help. I can’t trust that they won’t take my vulnerability, my moment of opening up to them and twist it around, or use it against me later. This has happened more than once, after all*. But I guess what I need to learn from this little episode is to know when it is ok to ask for a little help. But that is so much easier said than done. I am not sure that lesson can sink in.
*Yeah, I know I am no saint.
16.1.07
Ok, I have HAD IT.
So, more snow today. I am so tired of the weather-related drama. God knows I have enough drama in my regular life, without worrying if I can make it home.
these things could kill someoneThere are Icecicles on my house. And I am not happy about it.
11.1.07
Witch Hazel in snow
Here is the photo of the day, for yesterday January 10th. We got about six or seven inces of snow.
It took me an hour and a half to get home, or more accurately, to the bottom of the hill. I had to steer my truck into a snow bank to avoid hitting a jackknifed bus.
Then it took another hour to get the truck chained up, to drive the last block and get up our driveway.
It is pretty, though.
It took me an hour and a half to get home, or more accurately, to the bottom of the hill. I had to steer my truck into a snow bank to avoid hitting a jackknifed bus.
Then it took another hour to get the truck chained up, to drive the last block and get up our driveway.
It is pretty, though.
5.1.07
I know you are but what am I?
I attract the crazies. I know you think you do, but no, it is me.
I went out to grab a sandwich at a local shop for lunch; they have one of those "stand in one line and whichever employee is available next will help you" situations. So I am standing there waiting for someone to finish helping the people in front of me, so I can order my regular "3-cheesesandwich on rye, only except for three different cheeses can I just have the Havarti cheese"? Yes I realize that reduces the cheese by one-third, but no one actually needs 1 1/2 inches of cheese on a sandwich.
So anyhow, I am waiting there when a woman two people behind me says "Well I think I am just going to go ahead of you if you aren't going to order anything."
beat
I reply "I am just waiting for someone to be available to help me."
She continues to shoulder her way to the front of the line, looking at me like I am stupid. Now I know I work in Pioneer Square, home of the professionally crazy (aka our homeless veterans suffering fromPTS ) but she was not one of those. This was a Mom looking lady who can afford to have someone else cut and color her hair (in other words a 40-something woman pushing 200lbs with an expensive blond foil job). She stands in line in front of me, trying to get the attention of the harried teenager in the clutches of The Lunch Rush.
The woman behind me (and in front of he line-jumper just moments before) said "I guess she is really hungry."
So while the Line Jumping Lady (LJL)was distracted giving her order to someone who was busy helping someone else, another guy behind the counter took my order. I wanted to give him a little hug, I think he observed this whole thing out of the corner of his eye, and decided the LJL could just wait.
The lunch counter staff helped me and the lady behind me and the one behind HER before LJL. By the time they got to her she was absolutely red and vibrating with anger. I don't know why she stuck around. I would be surprised if she didn't get a little spit in her Turkey Club. You don't want to piss off underpaid teens who have access to your food. Everyone knows that.
I went out to grab a sandwich at a local shop for lunch; they have one of those "stand in one line and whichever employee is available next will help you" situations. So I am standing there waiting for someone to finish helping the people in front of me, so I can order my regular "3-cheesesandwich on rye, only except for three different cheeses can I just have the Havarti cheese"? Yes I realize that reduces the cheese by one-third, but no one actually needs 1 1/2 inches of cheese on a sandwich.
So anyhow, I am waiting there when a woman two people behind me says "Well I think I am just going to go ahead of you if you aren't going to order anything."
beat
I reply "I am just waiting for someone to be available to help me."
She continues to shoulder her way to the front of the line, looking at me like I am stupid. Now I know I work in Pioneer Square, home of the professionally crazy (aka our homeless veterans suffering fromPTS ) but she was not one of those. This was a Mom looking lady who can afford to have someone else cut and color her hair (in other words a 40-something woman pushing 200lbs with an expensive blond foil job). She stands in line in front of me, trying to get the attention of the harried teenager in the clutches of The Lunch Rush.
The woman behind me (and in front of he line-jumper just moments before) said "I guess she is really hungry."
So while the Line Jumping Lady (LJL)was distracted giving her order to someone who was busy helping someone else, another guy behind the counter took my order. I wanted to give him a little hug, I think he observed this whole thing out of the corner of his eye, and decided the LJL could just wait.
The lunch counter staff helped me and the lady behind me and the one behind HER before LJL. By the time they got to her she was absolutely red and vibrating with anger. I don't know why she stuck around. I would be surprised if she didn't get a little spit in her Turkey Club. You don't want to piss off underpaid teens who have access to your food. Everyone knows that.
3.1.07
bodhi asleep
This is the 1/2/07 photo of the day. I can't help it, I love my cats. Since Jake died (yeah, I am still on about that), she has become much more relaxed and happy. He was kind of a jerk to her.
Jake used to sleep right by my head, and I still find myself in the middle of the night moving my pillow down to make room. Last night for the first time Bodhi curled up there.
(Obviously this is not her on the bed, it is her on the underside of an upside-down chair, of course.)
Jake used to sleep right by my head, and I still find myself in the middle of the night moving my pillow down to make room. Last night for the first time Bodhi curled up there.
(Obviously this is not her on the bed, it is her on the underside of an upside-down chair, of course.)
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