I have been having a really hard time lately. The wind storm, power outage, Jake's death, snow, ice, the horrible mess that the afore mentioned storms made of the yard... and my mom's illness. I feel like I can't complain about mom being sick, because that is hers - I feel like I am stealing her story or trying to make her sickness about me.
But part of it is about me, this hugely impacts my life, too. M&D are going to Arizona to visit family for a couple of weeks -- I was over at mom's house this last weekend when she told me she was upset because she was going to have to put her old cat, JD down. The boarding facility they use had gone out of business, and she just couldn't inconvenience anyone to come over twice a day to feed her. I was shocked, but suddenly realized that she also has had enough. And one more thing to take care of was just one thing too many. I told her I would take JD while she was gone. JD will have to stay in the basement, because my cats would freak out, but that is ok. M&D brought JD over yesterday, and she is a wonderful little cat. I am glad she is here.
I have a hard time trusting people, so I just don’t ask for help. I can’t trust that they won’t take my vulnerability, my moment of opening up to them and twist it around, or use it against me later. This has happened more than once, after all*. But I guess what I need to learn from this little episode is to know when it is ok to ask for a little help. But that is so much easier said than done. I am not sure that lesson can sink in.
*Yeah, I know I am no saint.
No comments:
Post a Comment